The Life And Times Of A Cub

Well, he will be in the air now, i dont know.

Well the walls have now started to rise. can tell it in his voice. Who knows...

Was out with vic, , and well. pissed as a fart!

More of the same feelings about this whole situation. I have come to realise that maybe im not ready for this type of relationship - hell, the way that he is with me on the phone, i don't know. But, I do know me, and I know that I am insecure as hell, and this situation is not helping - I just have the same gut feeling that when he comes back, we will be over. Oh well - Shit happens

Well, i hope i did good. I set him 6 red roses, and Maurice Bear. The roses were "stolen Kisses"

I really cant stand this - I hate not being with him...

Im finding this whole thing hard. I really miss him...

I also dont know when he will be home also... its so frustrationg.

Now, to be honest I have only known this guy for 7 weeks now. But I do think that he is the most wonderful man in the whole world, and i think that I may be falling in love with him, but Im not that sure to be honest, for all I know, I could be in love. He does make ME feel wonderful. He has taken me for who I am, and only who I am. He knows all my dark secrets(mind you I only have two of them, so its not like I have loads - lol).

But just seeing his smile (and so I have been told, he feels the same) just makes me so happy. tend to have a smile on my face when i am with him.

The accent - well, to me its something else. can listen to him for hours, the night i met him, i was lovinng the accent, and it did not bother me that he ask, "so what music do you like?"

I reply, "Well, mos..."

He just starts to babble... again, "Now this book...." - and so on... I think that it took 2 weeks before i could answer the qustion - lol

Next he will want me to wipe his arse for him... I can’t leave work for more than 5 minutes....

Oh, and Chris called me, that made me smile, he seems to be doing ok, still sending texts. Just a couple a day... But it’s nice to hear his voice. It’s one of the reasons I like him "I guess" I can listen to it for hours, it’s so sexy and soft.

I have a feeling that with this death, our relationship will not work... fucking death!

It’s not the nicest thing to hear about on a Friday evening... But it happened. I’m ok, it was not in my family (mind you, mine have managed to provide us with a "date" when she will die... bless her... But that’s another story).

Well, it was another leaving "do" with Chris, at "City Pride" - It was only last week that I was there for someone else, but well... Chris and me were fine, happy, being told that we look good together, I have a feeling that his friends like me... Anyway, he had taken a call, so I stayed and chatted to his friends, and though nothing of it - he’s brother Kevin calls a lot (Looking forward to meeting him). And he does talk a lot... But as time when, I did start to wonder what was up - so off to toilet and then find him.

His mother had dies in a car crash. From what he has told me about her, she was a remarkable woman, and I am really quite sad that I will not meet her.

Also feel hopeless - I know that I have only  been with him for nearly 7 weeks, but I think I have feelings for him. I am sure that I do. I’m not sure if its love - But it’s something, and at the moment, that feeling is making me feel hopeless. Chris is now in Scotland, and its nearly 6am. I bet he is in a bed, cuddled up to a pillow. A confession he made to me the other night, that when we are apart, that’s how he sleeps. I did not admit this to him, but I did the same. But I also have his top with me. I left it at his on Saturday morning, I needed other clothes, and my bag was too small.  But that’s how I sleep when he is not with me... But, I’m not sure a pillow would be enough for him at the moment. I just want to be with him, I can’t stand to hear him cry on the phone, I can’t hold him. I’m not a bear cub for nothing, and he loves his bear hugs.

I care emseley for him. Maybe I do love him, but that’s really something that will not be spoken about now with him, just in case he dosent not feel the same, it would be too much for him.

Oh, i am so angry. A while ago my other flat mate would always be late with paying for his bill, this caused me to be without... Unfair (All the bills were in my name, so as you can guess...) Anyway, I stopped his internet conection, but still had wireless... Now he has been using it for the past three month - Fucking Cheak!

Well, it still seems to be going well with Chris. We did have a little "something" the other day, not sure what caused it. He just got arsy with me after being out drinking, oh, and the he stood me up when we should have been going to my sisters...

But, he did make it up to me, we went to see WALL - E, its a great film. Strange to discribe, but not much speaking, just EXCELENT anamation!